Random Thoughts

Well I am having one of those days where I am asking God Why Me ? I often wonder why my son Tyler was born with these problems. Each year before he was diagnosed I wished it was a phase and he would snap out of it. I remember the hardest times were when he was 5, after we moved into our new base house. Tyler would play for a half hour with the other kids. All would be fine until he didn't like what someone was doing, or he didn't want to share his toys or he wanted what other kids had. Right there he would melt down kicking and screaming and raging. At least then I could physically pick him up and bring him inside. I of course got many looks some mean some sympathetic. Some said take him in and beat his butt. Well then spanking and smacks on the hand made him worse. I guess when you have a mentally unstable child it is not easy for them to make friends and we as parents to forge bonds with folks. It is the fear of being rejected for your kid being a mess. I have made some great friends and they understand my child and they have been the rocks through the hard times. The others I just ignore and as I tell my son if someone does not like you it is okay you just act polite. Now my kids grandparents, aunts and uncles, well they really don't know the extent of his mental well being. The worst comment ever made by a family member was the only christmas we ever went to my parents house. Tyler was 5 months, and colicky and did not do well in new places, or people. We warned the family that he probably wouldn't fair well christmas eve. I was right, he cried every time a new family or extended family member got in his face. It was the cry of bloody murder. You think they were all pinching him!!!! One family member said " can't you shut him up" " take him upstairs he is ruining the party." I took him upstairs and that was probably the first ever mother melt down I had ever had. I was crying with my son, and when my hubby came to see where I was and I told him what happened and that I was not going downstairs he was irate. Needless to say that was the first and only Christmas we have ever been home. It left a sore spot in our immediate little family. Many people don't understand what a mother with a special needs child goes through unless they have one!!!! My best friends bless their hearts have known my son Tyler since birth so they are accustomed to his behavior. As he gets older certain aspects of his behavior have gotten easier to manage. We know when he is getting overwhelmed in public or in new situations. So it is more easier to make a accomadation for him. The people who have direct contact with him know his situation and what to do when he gets frustrated or mad. He is just starting to know that he has a few problems and sees a special doctor and takes medicine to help him. He asks all the time why am I different. I tell him God made him special in many ways and we love him the way he is. We may get upset with him, but we still love him. He always likes reassurance that we love him. So it boils down to God gave us a mission to raise Tyler with love, understanding, and unlimited patience. Yes there are days he tries our patience and I can't wait till bedtime, not for him but me. We are not perfect we occasionally lose it and yell at him, but me and my husband are only human. Those are the times we tag team and one of us gets a timeout. There are also days I wish I could just drop him at the nearest psych ward and let them figure out what is going on in his head. The worst thought when he is melting down like a volcano is I wish he was never born. Again I am human it is like when my daughter says " why did I have to have only brothers ?" I don't mean it but the thought has briefly went into my mind. I am human again human nature takes over at times. So no need to report me to a CPS worker, it is what comes out " Tyler I love you and will always love you". We have our great days and tough days but as with any child you love them and love is what sees us through !!! That and the child psych doc !!!