What is ODD?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD,is three letters to me. My son lives this disorder every day. Some would say spank your child until he listens. Ground him till the cows come home. It is not that easy. To best describe what happens you need a example. You have a "regular. kids,and ODD kid. Let's say both are the same age of 9. They enjoy playing the wii. You say 30 minutes only for a game session. The "normal" kid accepts the time allowed. His time is up,you tell him to turn off the wii. That child may say come on five more minutes. you remain firm and hold to your word. You assure him after dinner he can play for 15 minutes. The child accepts it and moves to a new activity. The child with ODD in the same scenario. He is playing the wii at 15 minutes you remind him he has 15 minutes.then at 10 minutes he gets a warning. At five minutes the battle begins. You say one minute,my son gets mad,begs for more time. I remain firm,and tell him after dinner he will get 15 extra minutes. At this point he is so angry and mad he slams the controllers down.gets up,throws the empty laundry basket at me.I tell him calmly to sit on the couch.He is crying yelling calling me names.( occasionally he may threaten me or to hurt himself. ) I again say sit down in a firmer voice not yelling. He throws his brothers toy breaking it. Finally he flops down on my couch and cries like a two year old for An hour. after the hour he is sorry,says I love you mommy,sorry I was bad. Well what can you do? after an ODD spell you comfort them,then you talk about what happened. You brain storm ideas on how to let him know his time playing a game is up. Would a timer help. The key sometimes is pick your battles.The escalation from mad to seeing red happens fast for my son. He responds better to talking it out.We also take away privileges. So a result would be no wii for a week. But you tell them the consequence after they have calmed down and are rational again. Once my son hits red all bets are off and he will get physical throw things, threaten to hurt himself. In the red zone it requires a emergency trip to his doctor or a call for the doctor to talk to him. The worst case is a trip to the ER for the behavior. Which has happened and will probably happen again and again. After the ER is a stay at the children's Psych ward. We also let him know when he is in a downward spiral that we have his doctor's permission to bring him to the ER for evaluation. It is not a threat it the outcome of him not being able to control himself and the anger. Often it can be the med combination. The hardest thing as a parent is disciplining a child with ODD. So to others it seems as a free pass for them to do what they want. One it is picking my battle, and positive reinforcement is used. It is also knowing his levels of anger when he is mad, so at times I take a step back to let him cool down as well. We work closely with his care team to problem solve, let him know the limits, and carry out our discipline. My son will open up when not pushed to. If you see him angry and keep prodding him to get an answer why it makes him clam up. So I have learned he will come to me when things are bothering him, and we figure out what to do together. I also teach him many morals and values. What are the right things to do instead of getting mad and using any physical response. I am constantly finding new strategies and ways to get my point across with out it turning into a battle of wits and a physical confrontation. At times it is easy to parent my son at others even I am ready to call it quits. It is emotionally draining on me and my husband. What works for discipling my daughter does not work for Tyler. Not to mention it can be like walking through a mine field not knowing what will set Tyler off. I can be the smallest thing, the jeans you washed are not the ones he wanted to wear. The other external factors, if he isn't getting along with his friends, school, any stresses can set him off. By now we have learned the big things that set him off, and we know what signs to look for, his triggers, and that is why we encourage open communication with us, his guidance counselor, and that yes the old pre school saying use your nice words apply.