Random Thoughts

Well I am having one of those days where I am asking God Why Me ? I often wonder why my son Tyler was born with these problems. Each year before he was diagnosed I wished it was a phase and he would snap out of it. I remember the hardest times were when he was 5, after we moved into our new base house. Tyler would play for a half hour with the other kids. All would be fine until he didn't like what someone was doing, or he didn't want to share his toys or he wanted what other kids had. Right there he would melt down kicking and screaming and raging. At least then I could physically pick him up and bring him inside. I of course got many looks some mean some sympathetic. Some said take him in and beat his butt. Well then spanking and smacks on the hand made him worse. I guess when you have a mentally unstable child it is not easy for them to make friends and we as parents to forge bonds with folks. It is the fear of being rejected for your kid being a mess. I have made some great friends and they understand my child and they have been the rocks through the hard times. The others I just ignore and as I tell my son if someone does not like you it is okay you just act polite. Now my kids grandparents, aunts and uncles, well they really don't know the extent of his mental well being. The worst comment ever made by a family member was the only christmas we ever went to my parents house. Tyler was 5 months, and colicky and did not do well in new places, or people. We warned the family that he probably wouldn't fair well christmas eve. I was right, he cried every time a new family or extended family member got in his face. It was the cry of bloody murder. You think they were all pinching him!!!! One family member said " can't you shut him up" " take him upstairs he is ruining the party." I took him upstairs and that was probably the first ever mother melt down I had ever had. I was crying with my son, and when my hubby came to see where I was and I told him what happened and that I was not going downstairs he was irate. Needless to say that was the first and only Christmas we have ever been home. It left a sore spot in our immediate little family. Many people don't understand what a mother with a special needs child goes through unless they have one!!!! My best friends bless their hearts have known my son Tyler since birth so they are accustomed to his behavior. As he gets older certain aspects of his behavior have gotten easier to manage. We know when he is getting overwhelmed in public or in new situations. So it is more easier to make a accomadation for him. The people who have direct contact with him know his situation and what to do when he gets frustrated or mad. He is just starting to know that he has a few problems and sees a special doctor and takes medicine to help him. He asks all the time why am I different. I tell him God made him special in many ways and we love him the way he is. We may get upset with him, but we still love him. He always likes reassurance that we love him. So it boils down to God gave us a mission to raise Tyler with love, understanding, and unlimited patience. Yes there are days he tries our patience and I can't wait till bedtime, not for him but me. We are not perfect we occasionally lose it and yell at him, but me and my husband are only human. Those are the times we tag team and one of us gets a timeout. There are also days I wish I could just drop him at the nearest psych ward and let them figure out what is going on in his head. The worst thought when he is melting down like a volcano is I wish he was never born. Again I am human it is like when my daughter says " why did I have to have only brothers ?" I don't mean it but the thought has briefly went into my mind. I am human again human nature takes over at times. So no need to report me to a CPS worker, it is what comes out " Tyler I love you and will always love you". We have our great days and tough days but as with any child you love them and love is what sees us through !!! That and the child psych doc !!!

What is ODD?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD,is three letters to me. My son lives this disorder every day. Some would say spank your child until he listens. Ground him till the cows come home. It is not that easy. To best describe what happens you need a example. You have a "regular. kids,and ODD kid. Let's say both are the same age of 9. They enjoy playing the wii. You say 30 minutes only for a game session. The "normal" kid accepts the time allowed. His time is up,you tell him to turn off the wii. That child may say come on five more minutes. you remain firm and hold to your word. You assure him after dinner he can play for 15 minutes. The child accepts it and moves to a new activity. The child with ODD in the same scenario. He is playing the wii at 15 minutes you remind him he has 15 minutes.then at 10 minutes he gets a warning. At five minutes the battle begins. You say one minute,my son gets mad,begs for more time. I remain firm,and tell him after dinner he will get 15 extra minutes. At this point he is so angry and mad he slams the controllers down.gets up,throws the empty laundry basket at me.I tell him calmly to sit on the couch.He is crying yelling calling me names.( occasionally he may threaten me or to hurt himself. ) I again say sit down in a firmer voice not yelling. He throws his brothers toy breaking it. Finally he flops down on my couch and cries like a two year old for An hour. after the hour he is sorry,says I love you mommy,sorry I was bad. Well what can you do? after an ODD spell you comfort them,then you talk about what happened. You brain storm ideas on how to let him know his time playing a game is up. Would a timer help. The key sometimes is pick your battles.The escalation from mad to seeing red happens fast for my son. He responds better to talking it out.We also take away privileges. So a result would be no wii for a week. But you tell them the consequence after they have calmed down and are rational again. Once my son hits red all bets are off and he will get physical throw things, threaten to hurt himself. In the red zone it requires a emergency trip to his doctor or a call for the doctor to talk to him. The worst case is a trip to the ER for the behavior. Which has happened and will probably happen again and again. After the ER is a stay at the children's Psych ward. We also let him know when he is in a downward spiral that we have his doctor's permission to bring him to the ER for evaluation. It is not a threat it the outcome of him not being able to control himself and the anger. Often it can be the med combination. The hardest thing as a parent is disciplining a child with ODD. So to others it seems as a free pass for them to do what they want. One it is picking my battle, and positive reinforcement is used. It is also knowing his levels of anger when he is mad, so at times I take a step back to let him cool down as well. We work closely with his care team to problem solve, let him know the limits, and carry out our discipline. My son will open up when not pushed to. If you see him angry and keep prodding him to get an answer why it makes him clam up. So I have learned he will come to me when things are bothering him, and we figure out what to do together. I also teach him many morals and values. What are the right things to do instead of getting mad and using any physical response. I am constantly finding new strategies and ways to get my point across with out it turning into a battle of wits and a physical confrontation. At times it is easy to parent my son at others even I am ready to call it quits. It is emotionally draining on me and my husband. What works for discipling my daughter does not work for Tyler. Not to mention it can be like walking through a mine field not knowing what will set Tyler off. I can be the smallest thing, the jeans you washed are not the ones he wanted to wear. The other external factors, if he isn't getting along with his friends, school, any stresses can set him off. By now we have learned the big things that set him off, and we know what signs to look for, his triggers, and that is why we encourage open communication with us, his guidance counselor, and that yes the old pre school saying use your nice words apply.

Today was a good day.Tyler woke up in good spirits.I made him a to do list for the morning. He followed it and I think he liked not having me reminding him what he has to do. I am constantly figuring out new strategies to be one step ahead of his ODD. I figured giving him a bit more responsibility will allow him to wake up at his pace. granted I initially get him up at 615. After school he played first got his energy out and did his homework with no fuss. I live for our good days. no screaming,crying,massive meltdowns over trivial things. Tomorrow ODD may rear its ugly head so I enjoy the quiet down time. plus I can get a glimpse of the sweet boy who has a big heart,is knd,polite,non confrontational. Tyler has big brown sparkly eyes, long eyelashes I am jealous of.he has many friends,and he has so much potential. It is up to me to console,to guide,to listen,advise,and love him unconditionally.

Living Life With A Child Who Has ODD ( oppositional Defiant Disorder): Introduction To My Story

Living Life With A Child Who Has ODD ( oppositional Defiant Disorder): Introduction To My Story: I guess to start it should be at the beginning before I had children. I grew up in a small town and pursued a career in Early Childhood Edu...

Introduction To My Story

I guess to start it should be at the beginning before I had children. I grew up in a small town and pursued a career in Early Childhood Education. I worked in a non profit childcare center in 1994. It was rough at times going to school nights and working days. It was worth it. In 1998 I decided I needed a new challenge a change of scenery. I loved the kids but I was still young and over 18! I joined the Navy in 1998. What an adventure from boot camp to being stationed overseas in Italy. I loved Italy and met many people, but i always missed home and my family. In the summer of 1999 I met a guy named Vern. Our first meeting was not a love at first sight moment. Vern was quiet I thought great I bet he is married with kids I should run now!!! Well it turned out he wasn't married and had no kids. I re-met him one night when I was at a local navy hang out. We talked , he was very funny, kind of cute, and had a great personality. I gave him a chance and I took a chance getting to know him better. We started going out on a steady basis. In April of 2001 he asked me to marry him, I said yes and I thought life can't get any better. Well in all the engagement celebrating little did I know what had happened. A month later I found out I was pregnant. It took me for a loop. I figured all that time on the ocean was just motion sickness. Well we had to speed up the wedding, I was sent back to the states. We got married in November of 2001. In January 2002, my daughter was born. What a moment. I thought well I have a degree in early childhood education this should not be too hard. Well when it is your own child education goes out the window. I was so lucky that my daughter was easy going and a adapted well to any situation. In September 2003 my husband finally came back from overseas. It was great having him home, my daughter took to him and loved being with her dad. She was probably sick of mommy in her face. I decided then why not go back to work, it would be good for my daughter to interact with other children, and I can make some extra money. I interviewed and was offered a job at a church run day care. Right before I was set to start, bam I found out I was pregnant again. I was excited, and a bit worried. The last pregnancy turned out to be high risk. So I turned down the job and concentrated on being pregnant. On August 7,2003 my son Tyler was born by c-section. He was not as easy going as his sister. He was the total opposite, colicky, he had a hard time soothing himself. To get sleep we resorted to swinging him in his swing. He never slept at night. We were told by his doctors he will grow out of it. It is just the age and stage. Well by 3 and half we enrolled him in daycare, thinking it would help his social skills. He cried a lot, we were always called to go get him. We stuck it out, and by age 4 and half we called for a doctor appointment again. Thank goodness. The doctor we saw took his behavior and and history seriously. He gave us a psych referral. He first saw one social worker and child psych doc who diagnosed him with ADHD, and Early onset childhood Bi-Polar disorder. We were given meds for him which helped him focus and cut down on the melt downs. Well the anti depressant the doctor gave him, made him eat and eat and he gained too much weight, that I asked for him to be taken off it. Well he started kindergarten and did really well with the meds and he was able to concentrate on his school work. Fist grade came and we started the year off good. He was upset when his good friend moved out and he went downhill. The meltdowns started getting worse. The meds were constantly being adjusted. In april he was looking forward to spring vacation. Spring break was no break for him. He started off the first day having a meltdown. He exhibited behavior we had never seen. He got very angry and in his fir of seeing red, he pulled a knife on his sister and her friends. Before folks rush to judgement, let me start this story at the beginning. After my daughter had her friend over, who lived right behind our house. We all went to walk her home, me my son, my daughter, her friend, and my other son who was a baby still. Well because his little brother was walking we didn't bother putting him in the stroller. We dropped off my daughter's friend, I was talking to her mom. Nothing out of the unusual. My daughter said her friend forgot a few things could they go back to my house and get it. I said yes, and then my middle son with the issues said he wanted to go home. I said good bye and was right behind the kids. Well having a slow toddler in tow left me behind the kids who got to the back gate before me. They all went in and when I got back to the patio door, it was no less than two minutes after they walked in. In that short span of time, my son got mad at my daughter's friend for taking a toy he wanted, he got so enraged he ran downstairs to my kitchen locked the door and grabbed a knife. He then threatened the girls and thankfully my daughter at the time had sense enough to lock herself and friend in the room. I was calling my daughter's cell phone and about to break a window to get in. I finally got my daughter on her phone, and I told her to yell through the door to her brother, that I needed to be let into the house. Somehow it snapped him out of his anger, and he ran back downstairs put the knife away and let me in. I checked on the kids, and called my friend who immediatley came over and took my daughter, and hers, and my baby to her house. I called 911. The officer came out and I explained what my son had done, and he suggested taking him to a ER. So no charges were filed not even a report. He said because of his age it was best to take him to the hospital. His age at the time was 6 years old. We went to the hospital, and he was given a security guard to watch him , we met with the chid Psych doctor on call. He then said given the severity of his behavior he wanted him admitted to the nearest Child Psych Hospital. So I made the tough choice to have him admitted. Not only is it the hardest thing to do, I felt like the meanest mom in the world. My son had calmed down and wanted to go home. If I hadn't agreed the doctor would have had the court agree to admitt him. I was able to follow the ambulance to the next hospital. I did all the paperwork, and met the night staff. They gave him a snack and got him ready for bed because it was very late. i left him there and he wasn't crying more like shocked. In the meantime while this all happened my husband was out to sea. He is a Navy sailor. My friend had got a message to his ship and with the chaplains help he was flown off the next day. He was not happy with me at all. Over the phone he was calm about it, but once I picked him up he let me have it. I told him there was no other choice, that obviously a six year old weilding a knife is not normal. We went to the hospital and met with the doctor who was trying him on a new medicine regimen. We got to see our son and he was very sorry, and liked the food at the hospital. He was also proud of the fact that he learned how to make his bed, fold his clothes, and play basketball. Sounded like camp to me. In the end on a good note he had a new diagnosis. ADHD/ODD, oppositional defiant disorder. The doctor explained it as inside his brain he is not wired right and he short circuited. Before he came home I read up on this ODD. Every book described my son to a "T". We learned new discipline techniques and parenting strategies. When we left we were able to get a referral to see the ER child Psych doc who saw my son. We have been with him since then. He truly listens to our concerns, questions, and when my son is heading to the red zone he will see him at a moments notice. My son is 9 and half now, in the fourth grade and though he still challenges us we are able to discipline him with out him going over the edge. He still has his moments of anger and meltdowns, we just know his signs that he is heading for the red. Mainly we still love him and encourage him to try his best. Not everyday is rosey, but the good days are good and we cherish them. Because the next day could be a challenging day.